Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
