it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
