Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
