I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
