in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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