Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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