I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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