Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
