My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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