Someone shit on the floor
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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