True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
