i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
