Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
