dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
