i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
