last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
