He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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