you didnt know i had herpes?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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