mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Vodka?
Forever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
