Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
