dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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