i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
