i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
