wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
