I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hippo gnu deer
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
