Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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