I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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