Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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