Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
