i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
