lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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