thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
