so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
