It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
