ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
