Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
