Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
