look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
