Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Randomize
