I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
