i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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