I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Randomize
