Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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