No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
