Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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