We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
