I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
