I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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