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My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
