I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I supernannyed him into submission
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
