You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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