Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
